Learning how to support your child through puberty and identity changes can feel overwhelming. Most parents want to be affirming and present for their kids, but in a society that still stigmatizes sexuality, it’s not always clear where to start.
We sat down with Kelsey (she/her), a Registered Social Worker and counsellor at the Centre for Sexuality, to hear her advice drawn from years of supporting young people and their families through some of life’s milestones.
Kelsey is a Registered Social Worker and one of our counsellors
How to Talk to Your Child About Puberty Without Shame
When parents seek counseling support around puberty, Kelsey says a common theme emerges: “A lot of the parents come in with that desire to make sure their kids get what they didn’t, and that’s a really beautiful experience. A lot of us didn’t get the same type of education that exists now.”
As with the Centre’s other programs, leading with facts and leaving judgment behind is key.
“It’s upping their information on what to share when it comes to puberty, building their comfort in talking about it, because often they never had anyone to talk to them about it in a safe, kind or non-shameful way.”
While sharing the facts of sexual health is important, it’s not enough. Kelsey encourages parents to talk openly about body changes, friendships and relationships. This means:
- Using accurate scientific language for anatomy
- Discussing body changes across genders
- Helping kids understand that exploring their bodies and emotions is normal
- Teaching the foundations of consent and healthy relationships early
These conversations don’t just prepare kids for puberty; they also build a deeper connection. “It’s about being a safe place for youth and as they become adults, they will continue to return to their parents for that support.”
Building Comfort and Trust When Talking About Sex and Identity
Many parents are learning how to support their child through puberty and identity changes without falling into old patterns of fear or silence. Kelsey sees a wide range of comfort and knowledge levels among parents seeking support. “There’s a difference between those who received nonjudgmental education and those who didn’t. And what we internalize in the absence of education is shame.”
Parents who grew up with abstinence-only education may struggle to have open conversations without fear or judgment. Some parents may be fearful, trying to prevent behaviours and protect against harm instead of preparing their children with knowledge and confidence.
Kelsey stresses that it’s about building trust, not control. “We don’t need to prevent children from exploring. We need to make sure they know they can come to us, even if they make a mistake or if harm is caused. We do that not by shaming or scaring them, but instead saying: ‘Here’s all the information about those choices. I’m here no matter which one you choose. Even if it turns out it’s the wrong choice, I’m still here.’”
Supporting Your Child When They Come Out as 2SLGBTQ+
“Their child is more connected to them than ever in having revealed this to them.”
Supporting your child or teenager means being prepared for moments when your child opens up about their identity. An area where Kelsey often provides guidance is when children come out as 2SLGBTQ+ to their parents. Many parents reach out for education and other resources to help them be a supportive and informed parent.
However, the coming out process can create mixed emotions for parents. They might wonder about their child’s future relationships or need time to let go of what they expected their child’s life to look like.
“There are a lot of parents who need to verbalize some of the grief they experience with their child’s coming out journey,” Kelsey says. “Of course, they don’t want to verbalize it to the person who is coming into their full identity and full authenticity, but some parents need a safe place to process that and let it go. So they can come and do that here.”
Some parents also worry that their child’s life will be difficult or even fear for their safety as a queer person. “A lot of the news focuses on the negatives of queerness,” Kelsey says. “So it can be partly exploring that with them, but also it is about helping to shed cultural expectations of gender norms, sexuality norms, helping them see that it’s a really beautiful experience that someone can come into their identity. And in fact, their child is more connected to them than ever in having revealed this to them.”
How the Centre for Sexuality Supports Parents
Our counselling services are short-term and tools-focused, with clients typically attending up to five sessions. Our counselling team’s role is to provide immediate support, education and strategies for parents navigating new conversations and emotions.
If parents need longer-term support, our team offers referrals to private counsellors or recommends joining workshops, programs or parent groups. “It’s a beautiful process for parents to find a space that they can come in and go through that journey, that they’re not alone, that a lot of parents are going through this,” Kelsey says.
We also offer one-on-one parent education, workshops to support parenting through puberty and specific programs for parents of queer youth.
Your Child’s Number One Need: Support
Raising children is a constant process of learning and growing. Whether you’re figuring out how to support your child through puberty, identity changes, dating or relationship challenges, the most important thing you can offer is your unconditional presence.
“Our job as parents or caregivers isn’t to prevent children from being who they are. It’s to make sure they know: no matter what, I’m here. I’ve got you.”