Being a Trans Ally

Sometimes transphobia is loud and clear. But sometimes it’s quiet and harder to spot. It is ingrained in many social norms and can be hard to notice in ourselves and our communities.

Transphobia has a serious and significant impact on the health and well-being of transgender and non-binary people. Discrimination prevents people from being their authentic selves and accessing supports and services that they need.

Because many people don’t know how they may be contributing to transphobia, we came up with a list of suggestions for what to avoid and how to show your explicit support to people who are transgender.

Do:

• Use someone’s current name and pronouns, whichever ones they shared with you to use.
• Normalize pronouns by sharing your own when meeting someone new.
• When telling stories from the past, use the person’s current name and pronouns. Do not use their old name and old pronouns.
• Do your own homework and research. It can be emotionally draining for trans people to educate others over and over again. There are many reliable books, documentaries, blogs and articles to get information from. You can also call  or email us, or use the question box on our website.
• Reflect on your own privilege and how our social systems are not created with all identities in mind.
• When talking about what the doctor assigned a baby at birth, say “assigned male/female at birth.”
• Learn about the differences between gender identity and sexual orientation. Someone’s gender doesn’t tell us anything about who they may be attracted to or fall in love with.
• Learn about different ways that people may transition their gender identity. Many people assume that all transgender people want to take hormones and have surgery, but this is not always true. The idea that all transgender people feel “trapped in the wrong body” is an oversimplification and not all trans people feel this way.
• Learn about non-binary trans identities. Not all trans people identify as “men” or “women,” and not all non-binary people identify as transgender.
• Consider your own biases about the transgender community and think about what makes you feel uncomfortable and why.
• Recognize the diversity of transgender people’s lives, and that these identities often intersect with race, class, sexual orientation, ability, etc. For example, trans women also deal with sexism in addition to transphobia. Furthermore, other forms of discrimination such as racism and ableism create unique and compounded experiences for transgender people.
• Talk about trans issues and trans rights. Engage people in discussions and share your knowledge. What people hear about trans people is often based in stereotypes and assumptions, which contributes to and perpetuates transphobia.

Don’t:

• Share that a person is transgender (otherwise known as “outing” someone). This can be dangerous for them.
• Ask a trans person what their “real” name is. If you do know their old name (often called a “dead name”), don’t share it with others.
• Use words like “biological” or “real” (“biologically male” or “a real girl”). Using these terms creates discomfort and can make someone feel reduced to what someone else believes their sex traits are. Use the terms transgender and cisgender instead and be sure to refer to people the same way that they identify.
• Say someone was “born as a girl/boy.” Using this language is unnecessary and invalidating of transgender and non-binary people’s identities. Someone’s sex assigned at birth does not necessarily align with their gender identity.
• Ask trans people about their bodies, how they have sex, if they have a penis/vagina, etc. This includes asking someone if they have had surgery or if they take hormones. Questions like this are intrusive and can cause severe discomfort.